The Antinomies of Pure Trump

The iron-clad rule of all punditry and freelance social media opinionating: everything that happens must be construed such that it helps Trump.

Do people protest his events? The silent majority hates protestors, so it helps Trump. Do people not protest his events? That shows that he’s a legitimate, mainstream figure.

Does the economy get worse? That increases people’s desire to switch party control, hence helping Trump. Does the economy get better? That makes people feel more secure and willing to take a risk, hence helping Trump.

I leave further examples as an exercise for the reader. In fact, it’s good to practice “but this only helps Trump,” until it becomes second nature. That will help you to build up your social media brand as a sober realist (i.e., someone who always thinks the worst possible thing will happen), and greater attention to Trump leads to more passionate debate and therefore more pageviews and ad revenue for your favorite social media sites.